Committed and having a crush?

You are in a serious relationship. But that doesn’t stop you from fantasising about that hot bod in the gym or enjoying the special attention of a co-worker. There is nothing wrong with revelling in a minor crush on someone who is not your partner. Such infatuations are way more common than people care to admit. They are also largely harmless. While mental and emotional space are important in a relationship and fantasies only spice up the equation, there is a thin line that a committed person may not cross.

A crush becomes a threat to your relationship when you begin to lose trust in yourself. When you reach that point, create boundaries. You’ll know you’re going too far if you start concealing your interactions with your crush. If you wouldn’t want your partner or spouse to hear the conversations you have with your crush because of how intimate they are, you may be crossing a loyalty line

But, as with most things, in the case of crushes too prevention is better than cure. Here are a few steps to help in this direction.

• Make up your mind and heart. One thing is desire and another is love.

• Time travel into the future and visualise the fallout of this crush. If you get involved with this person, how would it affect you and your family? Think about the what-ifs: “If I do this, then s/he will do that”. Is this pie in the sky worth all the trouble? Try and remember that no one is perfect and just as your current relationship has issues the one you embark upon will have its own. Are your feelings strong enough to withstand the test of time?

• Spend some time alone to get your mind straighten out.

• Avoid the person. Distance yourself from that person as much as possible. The crush will weaken. In order to sustain our adoration for someone, we generally need to reinforce it by seeing the person. Of course, this isn’t always easy to execute but do what you can to minimise contact.

• Wait it out. All crushes fade with time. If you can avoid doing something regrettable and keep your feelings in check, eventually those emotions will run their course.