How I've Learned to Deal with My Mother's Mental Illness

I grew up in a Christian household for most of my life until early in my teen years, my mother became disillusioned with Christianity and began exploring other religions.  One of the first changes I remember is that we started observing the Sabbath from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday.  I later came to understand that my mother (and therefore I) had adopted the faith of Judaism.  We didn't eat dairy products or meat on the same day or on the same plates.   There were so many changes almost overnight, and I didn't understand where these drastic changes were coming from.  I was so embarrassed by my new lifestyle and I hid it from my friends as much as possible.  

My mother's unpredictable behavior was brought on by a mental illness that was undiagnosed at that time.  Like most teenagers, I just wanted to fit in with everyone else but my mother's mounting emotional issues and religious confusion had a huge impact on me and made me feel like my life was anything but ordinary.  I struggled with all of this as an adolescent trying to figure out life and my place in it.

So why am I telling you all this?   

Because over the years I've come to appreciate that my unique experiences have added to my character and not detracted from it as I once thought.  Most of us have some aspects of our lives that we are ashamed of or that we feel have damaged us in some way.

I want you to know that no matter what you've been through or how bad it seemed at the time, you don't have to cling to the idea that your experiences have broken you.   Everyone has a cross to bear.  Everyone is dealing with something - no matter how perfect their lives may seem.    We all have disappointments and regret.  

To this day, I feel rather isolated when I see my friends with their mothers bonding over motherhood and grown woman things.  It's not like my mother has passed away, but mentally and emotionally she's not a presence in my life because of her illness.  I still wonder, "Why does my mom have to be sick?  Why can't I have a normal relationship with her?"

Are you struggling to accept something from your past or present that you can't change?   Do you feel isolated or unfavored in some way because of the cards you've been dealt?  Consider the following:

Whatever you have been through in life, please realize that challenges aren't meant to punish us. They are meant to make us more loving, more faithful and and more aware that there is more going on than what meets the eye. How could we ever appreciate beauty if we never saw pain? Or how could we empathize with anyone, if we never went through our own struggles?

Remember, everything makes you more.  Please share your thoughts in the comments.