Golden words

Find Out What’s Holding You Back

The simplest way to jump start progress in any area of your life, is to find out what’s holding you back and keeping you from seeing things through. Often we’re holding ourselves back, because of a fear or a lingering issue that we just can’t seem to move past. 

By way of example: I have a friend (and I hope she doesn’t mind my using her story) who wants to lose weight. She has started over and over again, only to fall short. Many of us have this same issue—but what is odd about it for her, is that she is normally a very decisive person. She sets her mind to something, and accomplishes it without hesitation; and often on a whim. She just has an uncanny self-awareness that allows her to know what’s right for her, and to go for it. So why the block in this one area of her life? 

The key to removing the blocks on her heart and mind—and to removing yours--is self-evaluation. You have to ask yourself the hard questions and really get honest about the answers: 

1. In what areas of my life do I find that I’m spinning my wheels, but never getting anywhere? 

2. What are the given circumstances of this situation? (The things that are out of your control; where you have to change yourself instead)

3. What past fear or hurt still lives in my heart today that is affecting my ability to thrive or to make progress at this thing in particular? 

4. How have I been using that fear or hurt as an excuse? 

5. What do I need to do to let go of the past? 

The answers might come to you in meditation or stillness. They may come to you through goal-setting or action planning. They may come to you in prayer or while on a walk. Maybe you can’t come to the proper conclusions alone—talk to your pastor or a therapist. Do whatever will help you to gain the most clarity. Then, walk freely into your future. 

And feel free to use the comments section here as a forum for discussion--you never know who else might benefit from your story.

The simplest way to jump start progress in any area of your life, is to find out what’s holding you back and keeping you from seeing things through. Often we’re holding ourselves back, because of a fear or a lingering issue that we just can’t seem to move past. 

By way of example: I have a friend (and I hope she doesn’t mind my using her story) who wants to lose weight. She has started over and over again, only to fall short. Many of us have this same issue—but what is odd about it for her, is that she is normally a very decisive person. She sets her mind to something, and accomplishes it without hesitation; and often on a whim. She just has an uncanny self-awareness that allows her to know what’s right for her, and to go for it. So why the block in this one area of her life? 

The key to removing the blocks on her heart and mind—and to removing yours--is self-evaluation. You have to ask yourself the hard questions and really get honest about the answers: 

1. In what areas of my life do I find that I’m spinning my wheels, but never getting anywhere? 

2. What are the given circumstances of this situation? (The things that are out of your control; where you have to change yourself instead)

3. What past fear or hurt still lives in my heart today that is affecting my ability to thrive or to make progress at this thing in particular? 

4. How have I been using that fear or hurt as an excuse? 

5. What do I need to do to let go of the past? 

The answers might come to you in meditation or stillness. They may come to you through goal-setting or action planning. They may come to you in prayer or while on a walk. Maybe you can’t come to the proper conclusions alone—talk to your pastor or a therapist. Do whatever will help you to gain the most clarity. Then, walk freely into your future. 

And feel free to use the comments section here as a forum for discussion--you never know who else might benefit from your story.

The Truth About Getting What You Want

It's all fun and games and positive affirmations when you're trying to accomplish something. But how about when you actually get the gig and you’re like “Oh Sh*t!”, what do I do now? How will I have time for this and everything else on my plate? What if I don’t live up to expectations? 

This is it. This is what you’ve prayed about, visualized, and spoke into existence. And now that it’s here in your lap, you’re freaking out. 

Maybe I shouldn’t speak for you. You’re probably poised and capable at all times. Not a hair or a mission statement out of place. That’s okay. I see you. And one of these days I’ll be like you.

But for now, I freak out. I question myself and I worry. All the while, there’s a calm place inside of me that knows without a shadow of doubt that doors will open, growth will occur, and amazing things are ahead. I try to live from that place as much as possible and let its enduring calm reign over my thoughts and my perception of things. 

While on the subject of thoughts, I haven’t achieved supreme mastery over my thoughts just yet. Wouldn’t that be lovely? I feel like I’d be a zen rock star if I had complete control over my many musings. 

No mean thoughts. No bad memories resurfacing. No paranoia. 

But even with my wanderlust of a mind, I do know how to redirect my thoughts when they turn disturbia. First, you can’t dwell on things that bring you down. Second, no overthinking. Finally, no player hating or cock blocking. Even the mental kind. Those things cause inertia. Inertia keeps you from getting what you really want. 

We know that getting what we want can be scary, so let’s all take a moment and make a list of what we are so afraid of. Let’s call the monsters out! Having a dream fulfilled is supposed to be a triumphant moment, so what are the drawbacks (whether real or bogus) that cause us to get cold feet when opportunity knocks? I’ll go first!

I worry that…

…my children, relationship, family and friends will not receive enough attention and support from me if I’m so occupied with my career and personal projects

…I won’t have the creative capacity to keep coming up with fetching ideas, thus my work will get boring

…people won’t “get” me/won't receive me well

…my income won’t be reliable or sustainable

...as an introvert, I'll struggle with networking and other ghastly things that I don't enjoy but are necessary

...I'll quit when things get tough.

What else?  Share your little thought monsters with me below.  I bet they'll seem small and unreasonable when you see them written down.

It's all fun and games and positive affirmations when you're trying to accomplish something. But how about when you actually get the gig and you’re like “Oh Sh*t!”, what do I do now? How will I have time for this and everything else on my plate? What if I don’t live up to expectations? 

This is it. This is what you’ve prayed about, visualized, and spoke into existence. And now that it’s here in your lap, you’re freaking out. 

Maybe I shouldn’t speak for you. You’re probably poised and capable at all times. Not a hair or a mission statement out of place. That’s okay. I see you. And one of these days I’ll be like you.

But for now, I freak out. I question myself and I worry. All the while, there’s a calm place inside of me that knows without a shadow of doubt that doors will open, growth will occur, and amazing things are ahead. I try to live from that place as much as possible and let its enduring calm reign over my thoughts and my perception of things. 

While on the subject of thoughts, I haven’t achieved supreme mastery over my thoughts just yet. Wouldn’t that be lovely? I feel like I’d be a zen rock star if I had complete control over my many musings. 

No mean thoughts. No bad memories resurfacing. No paranoia. 

But even with my wanderlust of a mind, I do know how to redirect my thoughts when they turn disturbia. First, you can’t dwell on things that bring you down. Second, no overthinking. Finally, no player hating or cock blocking. Even the mental kind. Those things cause inertia. Inertia keeps you from getting what you really want. 

We know that getting what we want can be scary, so let’s all take a moment and make a list of what we are so afraid of. Let’s call the monsters out! Having a dream fulfilled is supposed to be a triumphant moment, so what are the drawbacks (whether real or bogus) that cause us to get cold feet when opportunity knocks? I’ll go first!

I worry that…

…my children, relationship, family and friends will not receive enough attention and support from me if I’m so occupied with my career and personal projects

…I won’t have the creative capacity to keep coming up with fetching ideas, thus my work will get boring

…people won’t “get” me/won't receive me well

…my income won’t be reliable or sustainable

...as an introvert, I'll struggle with networking and other ghastly things that I don't enjoy but are necessary

...I'll quit when things get tough.

What else?  Share your little thought monsters with me below.  I bet they'll seem small and unreasonable when you see them written down.

Are You Experiencing Your Life or Just Recording It?

In this PLPT guest post, Pastor/Professor Lawrence Ware asks the question: "What if we cared less about showing others what we have experienced and cared more about experiencing it?"

I was at an OKC Thunder game the other day, and I noticed the strangest thing. 

Very rarely would people actually look at the game—they were busy looking at the game through the lens of their phones or they were busy updating Facebook statuses about being at the game while very rarely enjoying the experience of being at the game. 

Man, that was a three line sentence—the philosopher in me took over—let me see if I can break that down.

I noticed people tagging themselves at the game, and then commenting on the tag. I noticed people posting pictures about the game. I noticed people texting other people about BEING at the game. I noticed people videotaping the game. I noticed people taking pictures and then showing those pictures to other people who were looking at what was just photographed. 

All this got me to thinking. In a nutshell: we have become primarily recorders of our lives instead of people who experience our lives. Think about it: we take pictures of food before eating. We take pictures of events instead of experiencing events. We meet famous people, and we are more concerned with taking a picture for other people to see than giving them our attention so that we will remember how they made us feel. 

No, I’m not anti-technology, but I am pro-life. That is, let’s put down the electronic mediums that allow us to relive experiences in the future, and try to start enjoying what is happening to us at the moment. 

What if we cared less about showing others what we have experienced and cared more about experiencing it? What a revolutionary thought.

Learning the Truth about Yourself

In order to reach your full potential and discover your purpose, it is vital that you learn the truth about yourself. 

I have a deep seated belief that I’m not as smart or creative as I think, and that my endeavors won’t necessarily be successful or that people will hate what I’ve done. I know that this is because of the messages that were drilled into my head by my peers when I was a child and a teen. I skipped two grades in elementary school because I was an advanced learner. School just came easily to me. So my peers were, for the better part of my formative years, two years older than me and very often—just plain old mean. They didn’t understand why parents and principals and newspapers were so fascinated by me and would be sure that I knew they were certainly not impressed. And let’s be real: at that age it’s really your peers’ approval that you’re seeking—not your parents’. And so I shrunk against the weight of their scrutiny and tried not to be so “good”. 

Even now, I continue to struggle with feelings that I could and should have done more and that I would be so much farther along in life and career if I had only done "X" (notice all the words there that don’t belong? “Woulda, coulda, shoulda” much?). So it is a constant struggle to allow myself to be a success at anything—oh I do well at things, but I have to push myself mentally and emotionally to really excel. I have to get really good with my self-talk to not only be unafraid to fail, but to be unafraid to succeed. 

In order to establish and maintain healthy relationships, it is important to learn the truth about yourself. 

I have a little bit of relationship baggage. I have an ex boyfriend who, every time we had a disagreement or he perceived me to have done something ‘wrong’, would stop speaking to me. Well—I’d get a few choice words via text or email and then he’d stop speaking to me. For days. And when he had been really offended, he’d break up with me (only to later come back). This cycle went on for way too long, and even though I eventually became immune to it with him, I still occasionally have moments of fear in my current relationship. When the honey and I have a disagreement there’s a moment where my stomach flips, and I’m terrified that he’s going to leave, before I remind myself that this is just my egoic insecurity and talk myself off the ledge. 

My point in each of these stories is that I’ve learned enough about myself to know when I’m operating out of fear, or reacting based on past pain that is completely unrelated to my current situation. And that is how you too can overcome whatever it is you fear. Learn what your triggers are so that you are able to control yourself when they are tipped. You can start to take your power back just by being aware.